Military Wife-ing and the Cold Hard Truth!

I sit here annoyed and downright pissed off this morning. I've seen and heard way too much backlash from so many sources lately on the frequency of deployments and their various effects on military families, so I've decided to come to my blog and lay it all on the line for all 2 of my readers haha. Why anyone would come into this lifestyle thinking it would be easy is beyond me.

Deployments suck folks, they just do! Especially the ones where your husband is in actual danger. Sure I'm an Air Force wife and a lot of people think my husband deploys under "comfortable conditions". I love telling these people they're wrong. My husband's last deployment was 15 months attached to an Army unit. He was in combat daily. He lost fellow soldiers, he saw things that still give him nightmares. Even on his just "plain ole deployments", it's not easy for anyone.

Deployments will make or break your marriage or relationship. You either get stronger and fall deeper in love, or you get weaker and fall apart. That's it. You respect your husband for what he does everyday and the sacrifice he makes daily. He respects you for all you do. What does that entail exactly?

How about being a single mom, changing every diaper, racing to every practice/game/school function, taking them to doctors appointments, feeding them every meal, helping them with homework, bathing them, all the while doing all the cleaning, paying all the bills, and still trying to find a moment to write a letter, send a card, mail a package or if you're super duper lucky getting online to hopefully score a chat session with him or maybe even a phone call. How about soothing scared big kids because daddy's gone for so long? How about making sure the baby knows who daddy is, making sure she remembers his voice, his smell, showing her pictures of him just hoping she remembers...Then there's trying to sleep without worrying if that headline you saw on the news pertained to your husband and his unit, wondering if he's injured or dead.

Some of us work on top of that, some of us give birth alone with no family or friends around. And how about those women who get up every morning wishing their husband was still alive to get a phone call or a chat? Those women have paid the ultimate sacrifice and will continue paying it every day as they learn how to survive without their love for the rest of their lives, along with their children.

I can't forget those of us with no children. They do everything they can to keep themselves busy and not worry every second of every day. They aren't weaker than those of us without children, they just have a different set of problems to deal with.

Here's the bottom line...When you choose to marry a man who is in the military, know full well ladies, that he is already married to his country and you and your family come in second. If you can't accept that or you aren't strong enough to handle it then move along. The United States of America owns his ass and they will make him do the job that HE signed up to do. You should be proud though, be proud you have a man that loves his country that much. I know I am. My husband is an American loving, God fearing, war hero....and I put on my big girl panties every day and support him...why wouldn't I?

Note: please excuse any run-on sentences and other grammar errors. I have a baby on my lap yelling at me, no time for proofreading around here :)

2010 in a Nutshell

Kayla turned 5. Braden turned 8. I lost my amazing grandmother, my heart still aches daily and I'm not sure that will ever change. Cliff turned 30. There was supposed to be a surprise party for him, instead we were at a funeral and ended up eating cake in a hotel room while visiting his mom and stepdad. I spent most of my summer in Oklahoma. Nana Jo threw Maeli's first birthday party early becuse Cliff was supposed to go to Iraq. He ended up not having to go. Maeli turned 1, we took her 1st trip to the zoo. The kids started Kindergarten and Third grade. How did that happen? Cliff hunted a lot. He killed his first elk and a deer. I turned 30 and although the number was hard, the birthday was phenomenal. 2 days later my aunt went missing. My mom came for a visit. My mom is amazing. My faith and religion were questioned and tested. I love God more and my faith is stronger.

In an emotional aspect, I lost some friends and found out who my true friends are. There aren't as many as I thought and I'm okay with that. I realized that some bonds are unbreakable. I realized that I have cousins and aunts and friends, and just a group of freaking amazing people that will pull together and do what has to be done and take care of eachother when I can't be there. I watched my kids grow another year, it was too fast and it makes my heart ache. I became more thankful for my mom. I fell more in love with my husband and realized we are pretty amazing together and no matter what comes at us...we got this!

It's a new year, it's a new chance. This WILL be the best one yet no matter what is thrown at me. I'm 30 and I'm done wasting time. I have a couple resolutions, the main one is to get comfortable with myself again ie. lose some weight and feel happier. The others are going to come from a change that has to happen inside me. I will love myself more and realize God created me to be me and that I'm kind of ok. I will slow down and watch my children grow. I will stop being a doormat to those who wish to take advantage, and instead, stand up for myself. I WILL find true friends who are like me. I will not alter myself to make myself likeable to people who will never really like me anyway. I will nourish the true friendships in my life and let the other ones die. I will find a church I love and go there on Sundays. I will take care of myself and quit putting myself last on the list because my family needs me. I will love and appreciate my husband more. I will be wonderfully, TRULY happy. I hope you will be too!

All hail Princess Angie..

A couple of days ago, my mom came across this picture of my Aunt Angela and posted it on Facebook. One of my cousins made the comment under it, "All hail Princess Angie", and another said, "We are not worthy!" You had to know Angie to realize how these comments hit the nail on the head. She was spunky, sassy, blunt, hilarious, crass, and amazing! And if she was sitting right next to me, I would say all of that to her face and she would laugh.



When something like this, so horrific, happens to someone you love, so much goes through your head. The good, the bad, and everything in between. Angie was technically my aunt by marriage, but the bond between our family and her surpassed the marriage both in strength and time. My 4th grade year my own parents divorced and Angie and her kids lived right next door to my mom, sister, and I. How great it was to have family next door after going through such a hard transition! Our friendships all flourished in that time. Tiffany (her oldest) and I were the same age and we formed a bond during that time that will never be broken. We spent our days in the same school and our Sundays at Sunday School together. On free days and warm afternoons, we played school in my backyard. We spent nights babysitting and bossing around our siblings.



I remember when they moved how sad I was to not have them so close. They were all such an amazing part of my childhood! Angela was there the first time I got married. I was there when her 4th daughter was born. I even got to carry her to the nursery. My sweet Maeli took her first steps to Angela this past July. It was the last time I ever got to see her. As much as I cherish that memory, I wish it had been one of her own newborn grandbabies and their own mothers making those memories in a year or so's time.



Life will never be the same. At night I lay in bed and try without success to not think of her final moments. I wonder where she is. I cry for her children and I pray for justice and mercy. Mostly though, I wonder why. Why does someone take a life? How can he sit in jail every second knowing that her loved ones have so many unanswered questions, that her children need her home in one way or another so that they may close this chapter and move forward.



I've often fantasized about being able to speak to him. I have so much I'd like to say. I'd like to tell him, that he took a lot from us, he robbed us of a mother, a grandmother, an aunt, a sister, a daughter, and a friend. He is robbing us of closure. I'd also like him to know, however, that he might be sitting on his own secret of her location, but I know where her soul is with certainty. He can't take that from us! Her body was her vessel, just an earthly identity. Her soul is wearing a tiara and dancing with the angels! We will dance with her too, someday.

Oh to be one!

Today I decided to take a nap with the girls, so of course my usual good napping 1 year old wakes up 45 minutes into her nap. I had just fallen asleep of course. So now here I am, debating on whether or not to have yet another cup of coffee and watching this little turkey run around and do all sorts of things she knows she isn't supposed to do.

I saw a quote from Roseanne Barr recently that pretty much sums up today, (and a lot of other days I have as well) "As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job." Ha! So true! I mean most of the time I try to do a little bit better than just keeping them alive, but some days we skim by!

For fun, I'll give you a little peek into Maeli-land! The girl is smart! Sure I'm her mother and I would think that even if she sat around and stared at me all day, but really she is! She stays on good terms with our dog Zoey by feeding her bites of food at every meal, and then she chases her around the rest of the day mumbling zozozozo. She adores her siblings, but since Braden is in Oklahoma for the summer, Kayla gets all the "adoration"! Maeli terrorizes her every chance she gets. Today she scaled Kayla's bed (no easy feat since we moved the step stool away from it) and disrupted a tea party with stuffed animals. Kayla wasn't very understanding about it either, let's just say Maeli is currently banned from their room!

I also thought it was very smart when Maeli started throwing her diapers away after changings...until this week when I had to dig out a hair brush and a fake cupcake. She has become obsessed with the toilet and I've also been forced to retrieve a pencil and half of the toilet paper holder ,which I still don't know how she managed to pull off the wall. She likes to build and stack things from cabinets and drawers she isn't supposed to be in and parade around and yell at me when I attempt to get housework done during her waking hours. Her dad tells her often she should be glad she's cute, and I think he's right.

She really isn't just a terror, she's also a sweetheart. She enjoys being cuddled and giving giant kisses complete with the MUAH sound and an abundance of slobber, they do have to be at her convenience though. I love watching her learn and explore, 1 has got to be the most fun age...it's still cute when they do things they shouldn't because they don't quite understand, they babble enough to form words but not repeat bad words mom said or sass you, and let's not forget that you can run around in your diaper with your fat belly hanging over and your leg rolls showing and everyone thinks it's cute. I'm pretty sure life goes downhill after that ;)