A couple of days ago, my mom came across this picture of my Aunt Angela and posted it on Facebook. One of my cousins made the comment under it, "All hail Princess Angie", and another said, "We are not worthy!" You had to know Angie to realize how these comments hit the nail on the head. She was spunky, sassy, blunt, hilarious, crass, and amazing! And if she was sitting right next to me, I would say all of that to her face and she would laugh.
When something like this, so horrific, happens to someone you love, so much goes through your head. The good, the bad, and everything in between. Angie was technically my aunt by marriage, but the bond between our family and her surpassed the marriage both in strength and time. My 4th grade year my own parents divorced and Angie and her kids lived right next door to my mom, sister, and I. How great it was to have family next door after going through such a hard transition! Our friendships all flourished in that time. Tiffany (her oldest) and I were the same age and we formed a bond during that time that will never be broken. We spent our days in the same school and our Sundays at Sunday School together. On free days and warm afternoons, we played school in my backyard. We spent nights babysitting and bossing around our siblings.
I remember when they moved how sad I was to not have them so close. They were all such an amazing part of my childhood! Angela was there the first time I got married. I was there when her 4th daughter was born. I even got to carry her to the nursery. My sweet Maeli took her first steps to Angela this past July. It was the last time I ever got to see her. As much as I cherish that memory, I wish it had been one of her own newborn grandbabies and their own mothers making those memories in a year or so's time.
Life will never be the same. At night I lay in bed and try without success to not think of her final moments. I wonder where she is. I cry for her children and I pray for justice and mercy. Mostly though, I wonder why. Why does someone take a life? How can he sit in jail every second knowing that her loved ones have so many unanswered questions, that her children need her home in one way or another so that they may close this chapter and move forward.
I've often fantasized about being able to speak to him. I have so much I'd like to say. I'd like to tell him, that he took a lot from us, he robbed us of a mother, a grandmother, an aunt, a sister, a daughter, and a friend. He is robbing us of closure. I'd also like him to know, however, that he might be sitting on his own secret of her location, but I know where her soul is with certainty. He can't take that from us! Her body was her vessel, just an earthly identity. Her soul is wearing a tiara and dancing with the angels! We will dance with her too, someday.
